BloodRayne

There are days when my curiosity gets the better of me.
Last night was one of those days…sorry, that didn’t make a lot of sense.
Moving on.
Rented BloodRayne last night and I’m watching it this morning.
At 40 minutes, it already feels like it’s the movie that never ends.
For those that don’t know, it’s a movie based on a video game, and I won’t comment of that aspect as I’ve never played the video game.
And if the game is like the movie, then I’ll never play the game.
Never before have I seen a movie full of people that don’t want to be in the movie. And I want to know what terrible thing Ben Kingsly did to get wrapped up in this film?
Mental note; when you need an actress that can fight, don’t do the following:
1. find someone that can’t act
2. find someone that can’t fight
3. make sure that it’s the same person….

If she’s supposed to be this kick-ass vampire, then she should at least look less awkward than the Star Wars Kid.
The upside of this movie so far is the gore factor. During the big fight at the 30 minute mark, there was a ton of gore, and it was some good old-school gore, no CG.
But if you’re going to go the gore route, then don’t pretend to make a serious film. Take some direction from two recent, low budget flicks:
Undead
High Tension

Undead, filmed over two years in Australia(or New Zealand, I can’t remember) used roughly 650 gallons of fake blood, but it never pretended to be a serious film(very very tongue in cheek).
High Tension, while slightly more on the serious side, wasn’t really about anything but the gore and the scare factor, and it did both fairly well.

Blood Rayne is nether serious(although it attempts to be), scary(see serious), any good(see scary).
Ohhh, the montage, I was wondering when we would get to this.
Whoever the stunt person is, they should have gotten her to be the lead, at least she can do the stuff she’s supposed to do.

Just saw the reason the lead “actress” got the part, she does have nice breasts, not that the scene has anything to do with any part of this movie, but whatever.

Whoever greenlights this stuff should be shot, or at least sterilized so this kind of thing can’t be passed on.

“your form is weak, lacking passion”
“That’s part of my plan, I’m tiring you out”
So, very, tired….

Hey, Billy Zane! Poor fool. Meat Loaf Aday was also in this somewhere. Yea, that’s his name, didn’t realize that there was an Aday at the end of it. Makes it funny.
And there’s also some useless Baldwin in here, the fat one. Why does this man continue to get work?

Bored with the movie now, playing with colours for the journal, and that’s going badly, much like the movie 😛

And now the end montage, which just goes over the gore scenes again. Best part of the movie so far. And really, if they just showed this, then the movie wouldn’t be too bad.
But no, they needed all this filler “plot” business that can really ruin a film.
Oh I see, the movie ended too soon, so, much like Baywatch, they just add some random gore recaps.
Cleaver….

There, it’s done now, I’ve watched it. I don’t suggest that anyone else should. I took one for the team….

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