Category: Uncategorized

So I have ADHD

There, it’s said.

I was officially diagnosed last week after two sessions with the psychologist. It’s been something that I’ve been meaning to have done for a little while now, and I’ll be honest, it’s nice to know that whatever is in my head can be corrected or at least worked on.

And for this I will be taking some medication to hopefully correct the wiring in my head to make me a little less, well, distracted. And of course I have a book, written by some guy that has studied this for some time now and is the go to guy for ADHD. With the two of these things I should be able to get my life back on track somewhat.

Not that life has been bad, I have a lovely wife, a good job, cool kids, but it’s a daily struggle to keep it all, um, straight.

Having ADHD is hard to describe as it’s all I’ve ever known. This might be easier after a couple of weeks of meds and the like so that I can compare.
I mean, I never really thought anything was wrong with me, nothing out of the ordinary at least.
I was just that disorganized guy. My desk/room was messy(but I found things) and my work got done, just not necessarily on time or the best way that it could(work harder, not smarter was my motto!). I just assumed that everyone was kinda the same, just others were better at organization that I was and just let it be.

This clip from Malcolm in the Middle is probably the best answer that I can give(go ahead, watch it, I’ll wait. Heck, I’ll watch it with you!):

And I think that, had life turned out a little different, I would never really have noticed. But I did notice, or more to the point, other people noticed.

It’s not until I had a family of my own that I really noticed problems with myself. I mean, being disorganized is one thing, but when you are constantly forgetting things, not following through on your promises, and not being a self starter, then there’s something else going on. I mean, either I had something wrong or was just a complete jerk, and no one really thought the latter.

So the years went on and at times things were ok or good, but then the bad got to become more and more and I had to do something. So I went to the doc, they referred me elsewhere and I talked to some smart people and took some tests.

She diagnosed me with Moderate ADHD – Inattentiveness, and by the sounds of it I’ve had it all my life.

You have no idea what a relief it was to hear this. It means I wasn’t just a jerk looser, that there was something off in my brain that I could deal with. I mean, who wants to be a jerk looser? No one.

I’ve also been prescribed medication, Ritalin actually(or the generic version) and I start that soon, so we’ll see if that helps at all.

The funny thing with ADHD meds is that they’re stimulants, and some from the amphetamine family(Ritalin is not, but close) and what this does is speed up certain parts of my brain that were slower than most people.
So…I take speed to slow down. It’s an odd thought but it’s what works apparently. Of course there’s side effects, there’s that for everything, but we’ll see where this all takes me.

So I might start blogging more about this, or, as usual, this will be my yearly entry, hard to say πŸ™‚

But I’m ok, and soon will be even better.

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Halloween

It was either this or write a novel….

Another Halloween has come and gone. But this year was a far sight busier than last year. Or so I’ve heard, I was stuck in an airport in Brazil at the time.

Liam has been looking forward to Halloween pretty much all summer. For some reason, and I really can’t recall why, we got him a new costume over the summer, Batman. The dark knight kind. And he wore it every opportunity he could. To the park, to day camps, you name it. It almost became a problem for him to wear anything else.

This year, in SK, he had his first elementary school dance. And he was actually looking forward to it. Mind you, I’m not convinced that he knew what a dance was, it was just that everyone at the morning bus stop was talking about it, so he was excited along with them. That night he was Iron Man, a costume given to him on his birthday. We showed up and it was like every school dance I’ve ever been to. Total chaos. The room itself was pretty cool. They had a great light show and streamers everywhere(well, until a handful of kids were able to pull them all down). And because it was a modern school, it was kinda broken up into zones. There was the middle zone, or chaos zone, where people were dancing or just running around chasing each other, and the ring zone, or the “parents looking at their phones” zone. As it was listed as a non-drop off event, I guess the parents had to amuse themselves somehow.

We lasted about an hour, which for $5 is our cheapest outing ever.

Then of course there was the real trick or treating. We had a couple of friends over, and that night he wanted to be Batman again. One of his friends was also Batman, but not the same batman, as that would have been akward.

We had some pizza and hit the houses. We stuck to our local street as everyone really didn’t want to go on too much further. Also, he had a ton of candy already.

What stuck us odd was that he was actually into the candy this year. In the past, and heck, up to about a month ago, he didn’t want anything to do with it. Chocolate bars, sure, but nothing really sweet. And now he’s into it, so Tara and I have to eat it while he’s sleeping πŸ™‚

The last item on the Halloween list was a party this afternoon at a friends place. It was a nice time to just get the kids together and have them try to work off some of the candy. I’m not convinced it worked, but we tried.

And that, in a larger than expected nutshell, was Halloween 2015.

Age over Ability

Liam has really become a strong swimmer. Since the start of last summer he has been going into the deep end, with a life vest, but otherwise unassisted. He’s even going off the diving board and able to swim back to the wall on his own. Heck, taking Liam to the pool has been pretty simple. I hang out on the wall, he keeps jumping off the diving board and repeat. Bark out the occasional order and all is good.
This Summer he upped the ante a little. He wanted to go into the deep end without a vest. I was a little sceptical but we tried. To our amazement hr was just fine. He could jump in and swim back with no problem at all. We even had him swim lengths(more to warm us up) and there was no clinging to us. He totally held his own. With no real swimming lessons he just sorted out what he needed to do and did it.
Mom and I were really proud. He was a determined boy and nothing stood in his way.
However he still wasn’t allowed to try for a swim test. The test would allow him to go into the pool on his own. To be honest, I wasn’t worried about that. We would both feel a little better if he was close to us, especially in the deep end. So the while summer(almost 6 weeks) we were at the pool, he was jumping in on his own, and there was no problem.
Until last night. We headed for the deep end as usual, Liam hopped on the board and was ready to go. Then the life guard mentioned to us the he needed a vest. I asked why, thus was the first time he’s been asked to do that. Apparently they just started to enforce the rule over the weekend(although we were there all weekend too) and they wouldn’t let him jump in without one. Hesitantly I agreed and we headed for the vests.
Liam was devastated. He knew he could do it, we knew he could do it, but rules were rules. I asked the manager if there was some wiggle room, but he was still too young even for that. He would have to wait this summer and next before he could even take a test to show them what we already knew. It was heart breaking. He hopped into the little pool and stayed there the rest of the swim. The thought of having to wear a vest just wouldn’t cross his mind. If he couldn’t go into the deep end without a vest, then he wouldn’t go.
Now I know that there are all sorts of rules/laws based on age.  Driving, smoking, voting, drinking(which still seems high), etc, but this seems a little unfair. It’s not like we’re wanting him to go in by himself. We would still be there, and if he were allowed to show the life guard his ability, I’m sure they would agree. But he’s not even given the chance.
Maybe because it’s my son that’s involved that makes it harder. But it just seems unfair.

Best laid plans

This weekend was supposed to have me finish tiling the front hall and all that came with it(closet, bathroom, etc).
Tara was going to take Liam to a nice hotel place right on a beach so that I had the weekend to work.
Well, that didn’t happen exactly.
First there was a demon storm that rolled into Ottawa. And I mean demon! Driving down the highway, I could see the clouds roll in with the flashes of lightning and booms of thunder that shook the car.Β 
Then the rain. To say that it came down in buckets is an understatement. And once that cleared, there was hail.
But all that eventually cleared.
We thought it was safe to proceed and we rented the car. The rain started again, and we decided that their lives were more important than tile.
Earlier that day I remembered that in was on call this weekend. Normally quiet, but not this weekend. I have a Saturday meeting in a bit and was working part if the night Friday.
Oh, and I have some church duty on Sunday.
So obviously it just wasn’t meant to be.
I’m not sad about it as it gives me another week for prep.
But really, I just want all these jobs done 😦

Roll your own

Just recently(yesterday actually) a friends site got compromised by malicious jerk wads.
Again.
And not too long ago another friend got his site pretty much blown off the planet by another group of these asses. The common thread is that they were both running WordPress at the time. And so am I.
Now, I don’t want to bash on WP here, that’s not the point. I am very happy with my WP site, and I have been for years. It’s just that it’s a big target for these groups as they have nothing better to do than ruin someone else’s day.
But since these actions caused my friends to create their new sites, not using WP, it got me thinking of doing the same. The way I used to do it.
When I first started blogging, it was really just one long index file that I would just update. This morphed into more of a real website sometime later.
After that, I basically made my own blogging software. It wasn’t fancy, and had the worst security ever(all you needed was to know the URL in order to post) but it did what I wanted it to do, and that was great.
Some time later I moved to live journal as the time involved to maintain a server just wasn’t worth it anymore. But I always missed that self rolled site.
And time have changed. HTML got a version 5 and things are being made easier to make a fancy site.
So I think I’m going to start a new project and make a new site, written by me, for me(and you of course).
Not sure when it will go live, it’s amazing how much ice forgotten over the years, so it’ll be a slow ride, but I think a fun one.

Car Tunes

Tara and I have very different musical tastes. They do cross at times(mostly 80’s pop) but for the most part they don’t.

In the car we tend to listen to Top 40 or News Radio, and these days it’s mostly news as we’re tired of the “witty” banter on the other stations. I want to confirm that there are no arguments regarding to music, as half the time we just hear whatever Liam is watching on the phone. So it really doesn’t matter.

But, on the occasions when I am in the car alone and can listen to whatever I like, I have a CD. Yes, one CD. A CD that I’ve been listening to, in parts, for about 6 months now.

And it’s an actual CD(well, burned, but still) and not some fancy MP3 CD with a ton of tracks. No, this one has 17. 17 tracks that I’ve listened to, over and over again, for 6 months.

And just recently did I decide that I should swap out this CD. Not because I didn’t like the songs, quiet the opposite, I just felt the need for a little change.

Oddly enought this kind of started as a experiment on my part, and it goes a little like this:

Are there songs that you can always go back and listen to without ever getting sick of them?

I think I proved this right. I mean, for some reason I just could never skip past Through the Fire and the Flames by DragonForce, even if the random played them back to back. It was just that awesome. So I tested it further and made a CD of them. Now, all the songs on the CD weren’t quite up to DF and I did find myself skipping past certain ones more than others, but for the most part I picked a good group.

Here’s the initial CD:

Through the fire and the flames – DragonForce
Gangdam style – Psy
Symptom of the universe – Black Sabbath
Painkiller – Judas Priest
Wicker man – Iron Maiden
Hanger 18 – MegaDeth
Ace Of spades – Motorhed
Breaking the law – Judas Priest
Burner – Motorhed
Over the hill and far away – Nightwish
Bark at the moon – Ozzy
Fucking hostile – Pantera
Fire fight – Rammstein
I wish I had an angle – Nightwish
The Hunt – Sepultura
Ditto head – Slayer
Justified – GangstaGrass

I found myself skipping past Symptom of the universe more often than most, and I had to skip Pantera if Liam was in the car(let him learn it the way the rest of us did; school) but otherwise I would never hit skip.

But even after 6 months I needed a change. At one point I thought I would use a completely different set of groups or songs, and I think I intended to do it, but it didn’t fully turn out:

Got the time – Anthrax
Paranoid – Black Sabbath
Looking after number one – Boomtown Rats
New rose – The Dammed
California ΓΌber alas – Dead Kennedies
From out of nowhere – Faith no More
New breed – FearFactory
Ran so far away – Flock of Seagulls
Doctor who theme – Fourth new season
The message – Grand Master Flash and the Furious 5
Salamanizer – GWAR
Number if the beast – Iron Maiden
Painkiller – Judas Priest
Thrift shop – Macklemore and ryan lewis (because it’s “fucking awesome”)
99 red balloons – Nena
Cowboys from hell – Pantera
True belief – Paradise Lost
Arise – Sepultura
Assimilate – Skinny Puppy

For the most part it’s a whole new batch, and only one repeat(just love those lazer bullets). And it’s really great having a new batch of music for the car.

I was thinking while writing this that, I do have this older MP3 player that’s not being used anymore, I could just load that up and connect it to the car. I mean, it’s within my power to do so. This would eliminiate the need for limited CDs. And as the aux port is right next to a power port, I could have it powered all the time.

Or, you know, use my iPhone…

Practice Converstions

I pulled into the parking lot of the local Macs store, and I could see inside two youth’s dressed in MegaDeth shirts.

I had on my usual polo and long shorts, with sandals. My hair wasn’t styled, so it had a wispy look to it. Not at all MegaDeth like. In fact, if it wasn’t for my weight, I would call myself a Douche on first site πŸ˜‰

So of course conversations start floating in my head, and when this happens I need to have a comeback.

The conversation went like this:

(youth prime) “And here is someone that clearly doesn’t listen to MegaDeth(pointing at me)”

(me, channelling my best Jesse Pinkman) “I’ve been listening to MegaDeth since before you were sucking on your mom’s tits, Bitch!”

It wasn’t a long conversation, and not really a clever one, but I was in a hurry. And it didn’t actually happen. Which is too bad as I was clearly prepared.

For once…