Dear Oderus

Gwar does an advice column!

My fav:

Last year one of my best friends and I became a thing, ya know? And it went on half the school year and all summer until he moved away. Well, we fell for each other bigtime. He wants to be with me now, but the problem is.. I have a boyfriend who I’ve been with for almost 4 years off and on. He’s great. He treats me well..and he’s been making plans for marraige and all that. (we’re 16 btw). But this other guy is 19. He’s amazing..I love him so much. He makes me feel so special. And I want to be with him. I need to be with him. But how do I tell my boyfriend? He’s in love with me. I just dont know what to do.

Say “I met someone else, he’s way cooler than you, better looking, I don’t like you anymore, this relationship is history”. Then knee him in the groin. He should get the message. Pile it on! If you’re going to hurt his feelings, you might as well hurt him physically as well. It’ll cause less confusion down the line. If you just break up with him, he’s going to think that he’s still got a chance of getting in there at some point. if you actually drive your booted foot into his genitals, he will probably get the idea a little more clearly.

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