Where do I begin?
Will it be the lack of plot or character depth?
The ‘Super Dave Osborne’ stunt dummies?
The piles and piles of greasy goons?
The over abundance of make shift weapons and stupid stupid Europeans?
The fact that Mercedes has put car safety on the back burner and makes all their cars explode on the slightest impact?
Turbo powered parachutes?
Crop dusters that can go from 20 to 30,000 feet in the blink of an eye?
Tardis like cargo containers that, when first opened, look to be half empty, and then 400 chinese people spill out of them?
Bullet proof shirts worn by not bullet proof men….who wear too much make-up….that might be bullet proof?
Or the ever popular rockets with happy faces on them?But this movie has taught me many an important thing.

1. That everyone in France speaks perfect English, with just a tinge of a French accent
2. Because they speak English they don’t feel the need for French language keyboards of computer applications, just French bus signs
3. There is one smart person in Europe, and he’s a police cheif, but he’s obviously def
4. High powered bullets can’t go though a human body at close range
5. The person that you just used as a human shield, that has hundreds of bullet holes in him, still has air left in his lungs for you to suck out
6. The French public transportation people are mean
7. Germans are cruel
8. To help in their aim, which it didn’t, villains are now using 50% tracer rounds in each magazine
9. If you skimp out at ‘Goons ‘R Us’, you get what you pay for

I have to admit though, that even though this was possibly one of the worlds WORST movies, I haven’t laughed this hard at a movie since American Pie 2.
If you have the spare bucks, and have ABSOLUTLY nothing better to do, go see it, but check your brain at the door.

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Filed under: Blog - @ October 12, 2002 12:00 pm